Thursday, February 18, 2016

The One

Ok I am going to subject you to some more drivel about how in love I am.  Maybe I can look back in 5 years time and see just how addled by brain was. It is true when you are in love (which I presume this state is) levels of  adrenaline, serotonin, dopamine, cortisol .. you name it oh..  oestrogen, testosterone they are all up.  So it is like being on crack cocaine

http://www.youramazingbrain.org/lovesex/sciencelove.htm

Anyway having not even kissed this guy properly. I feel more certain (than I ever have) that he is "the one".

OK so winding back. In the past I have heard the words "I love you" quite a few times (just for the record not from  George yet)  and it is certainly stirring, and often I have felt something back.... but not like this.

I remember in the first few months with Neil, I heard him telling his friends that I was "the one" and I felt a mixture of flattered and uneasy. He was a narcissist and was in the early stage of putting me on a pedestal. Right up until the end he claimed he loved me, but it was a strange sort of love. He slept with other women!

When I met my husband I remember writing in my diary that "something quite magical is going on" because we had talked non stop for 1.5 hours. But I even remember as I wrote it, it felt contrived. Who am I at this distance to say for sure I didn't feel it, but I think I was so desperate to stop the chase and get married and settle down and he was the first man who came close.

But still, it was nothing like this...

I feel completely at ease with him even though we are so far away. I trust him. I fancy him like hell. He fancies me back and doesn't ever make me feel insecure or unwanted - well there have been times when I waited 48 hours for an sms but now that never happens. He always checks in with me.

I am so desparately looking forward to seeing him. For a while I couldn't eat. But I am ok now.

We seem to have the same values - though maybe not the same politics. I literally can't wait to be in his life and spend it with him. I never thought I would feel this way at this late stage in my life.

That's it. Lets see what the love rat can do

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