Monday, March 19, 2007

The Crunch

Now standing at a safe distance from my divorce, I can see it as other might.

It looks as though I traded up. My ex was too sick to work and provide me the lifestyle I wanted, so I moved on to someone who could.

Believe me in my mind nothing is further from the truth. Life with Simon had become unbearable. I was called a pathetic useless bitch, whilst running after him, earning all the household income and looking after our child what seemed like single handed. Having pursued (and often funded) his dreams with him (travel, extreme outdoor sports) he was unwilling and unable to help me to pursue mine. And further he belittled them.

He offered me nothing but as churchill would put it " blood sweat and tears" no he was not going to get better, no he could not give me the life I desired ( a home and another baby) and I was going to have to like it or lump it.

Admittedly he was sick, and I was very stressed after a year of coping on my own, but so help me I lumped it, and he left me, and I felt nothing but relief.

Like all divorcees I do wonder if I did the right thing, particularly from the point of view of our lovely child.

In the months that followed, I felt a surge of energy - free at last - a place of my own - a weight off my shoulders, but for some inexplicable reason also began looking for someone to date. The weekends alone became cumbersome. I thought I should be getting out more, and in no time, too little time, I was serious about someone again.

He did the same thing, and swiftly I was replaced . But really I never did learn to be single, now I wonder if I should've given it a better shot. I was actually enjoying it. I love my own company and once again i yearn for it.

2 comments:

Ms. Place said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Vic's Still Standing said...

It's a conundrum, isn't it, Fiona? Should one live alone or should one seek another mate right away? There is no perfect answer.

After my divorce I sought a new boyfriend right away, but that relationship masked what I needed to do, which was to learn how to be single and discover who I was ALONE.